Coping With Social Anxiety

What's really going on

Social anxiety usually centres on a fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected. That fear can trigger physical symptoms — a racing heart, blushing, a shaky voice — which then become their own source of worry, since you're now afraid people will notice the anxiety itself. This creates a loop: fear of judgment leads to physical symptoms, which leads to more fear of judgment.

Before a social situation

• Prepare a few simple conversation openers or questions, so you're not starting from a blank page
• Remind yourself that most people are focused on themselves, not scrutinising you as closely as it feels
• Do a short breathing exercise beforehand to lower your baseline activation
• Set a realistic goal — "stay for 30 minutes" or "talk to two people" — rather than an all-or-nothing standard

During the situation

Try shifting your attention outward — toward the conversation, the other person, the room — rather than inward toward how you look or sound. Anxiety thrives on self-monitoring; curiosity about the other person is a natural antidote.

It's fine to acknowledge nerves if it feels natural — "I'm a bit nervous meeting new people" — most people respond with warmth, not judgment, and it can relieve the pressure of trying to hide it.

Building tolerance gradually

Avoidance feels like relief in the short term but tends to reinforce social anxiety over time. Gradually facing manageable social situations — starting smaller and building up — helps your nervous system learn, through direct experience, that these situations are safer than they feel. This is often easier and more sustainable with the structure and support of coaching.